| Looking at this title you would think that these issues | | | | the dress. |
| are connected, but they are not. People who have | | | | I am not picking on women, men feel just as bad or |
| turmoil in their relationships have the paradigm that | | | | upset as they do, except men tend to hide their |
| the weight gain is responsible. In a way they are | | | | feelings about it. As a Life Coach I deal with these |
| right, but on another level they are incorrect. Women | | | | realities everyday. Of course one doesn't have to be |
| especially have this connection, that the spouse | | | | abrupt one can be tactful in approaching any sensitive |
| doesn't love me like he did because I have gained | | | | area. Now let me emphasize one thing here. There is |
| this weight. | | | | nothing good or bad about being overweight. You are |
| We acknowledge that weight gain can come from | | | | either overweight or not, it will effect your health or |
| having children and also from hormones etc. There | | | | not. The idea of good or bad is put in place by a |
| are so many issues surrounding weight gain that I | | | | value system or paradigm. The paradigm is what |
| couldn't even start to list them. This applies to men | | | | makes it a problem. |
| as well. Men generally don't focus on it very much | | | | I'll prove it to you! Let us say your 9 years old. Every |
| unless their single. The reason why, is simply that | | | | child at school has a pencil that has a cartoon |
| men don't pay much mind to it, if they are in a | | | | character on it. You do not have a pencil with the |
| relationship, but they will if they are single. | | | | cartoon character on it. All the children act as if they |
| This kind of thinking really comes to life in the dating | | | | belong to an exclusive club. Your parents won't buy |
| arena for both men and women. I know the | | | | you a cartoon character pencil. How do you feel? At |
| rationalizations that people hear, such as "I love my | | | | that age you would probably feel left out. You feel |
| Fat" or "I'm Big and Beautiful" and that list can grow. | | | | isolated due to non-possession of the pencil; you may |
| One problem here, take away the slogan and look in | | | | even get really upset with your parents. Let us look |
| the mirror, how does it make you feel? Don't | | | | at the value. A pencil is still a pencil. Intelligently we |
| compare yourself with the fitness models. Let me tell | | | | look at this and say yes that is true a pencil is still a |
| you that fitness models work out like crazy and it | | | | pencil, but emotionally we are taking hits. The |
| took them a long time to develop their bodies. | | | | paradigm is the different behaviors that start to |
| Being overweight may limit your choices as to who | | | | emerge from this perceived exclusion. |
| will go out with you. Some women will not go out | | | | This effects a relationship when one spouse is |
| with overweight men. Some men will not go out with | | | | overweight and the media is showing that the skinny |
| overweight women. In a marriage it may even create | | | | people are having all the fun. Slowly this broadcasting |
| a situation where one is not an amorous as they | | | | can start a conversation regarding a spouses' weight. |
| once were. Sometime out of politeness or political | | | | They start to look at their spouse differently. Maybe |
| correctness, one spouse will not mention it to | | | | even recall when they first got together. Comparing |
| another. Then there will be a time where the | | | | what was to what is. Again through our reasoning |
| relationship starts to hurt due to the overweight | | | | we know that what was is in the past. We need to |
| spouse. It can also be that the overweight spouse is | | | | deal with what is. |
| really upset over it but won't mention it to their | | | | First things first, do you want to lose weight and if |
| significant other. | | | | so for what reason? Are you acknowledging that |
| There are many paths that this situation can go. | | | | there is a problem? Does this at present time effect |
| Then again in any case my question will also remain | | | | your relationship? These are all yes or no answers. |
| the same. How do you feel? This is an extremely | | | | Always do a reality check, by asking your spouse |
| personal issue. How can anyone give to a relationship | | | | should you do a weight loss program or not? But, |
| when they are not feeling right? Yet one's self | | | | before you do so, you must be clear as to why you |
| esteem may be hurting them, but if not taken care | | | | would want to do this. Never leave your power with |
| of, it will spill over and create a situation within the | | | | someone else that includes your spouse. |
| relationship. | | | | A relationship is about what one brings to it. This is |
| Let us not forget that a committed relationship is | | | | inclusive of you and how you feel and behave with |
| just that. It is committed and part of the | | | | yourself. We start our lives looking outward; we end |
| agreements should be one of support. We as human | | | | them by looking in. Can this paradigm be changed? Of |
| beings should be sensitive to this issue but at the | | | | course it can, by taking the actions that you need to |
| same time turning a blind eye is not helpful. In matter | | | | take that will make you feel good about yourself. |
| of fact it could be quite destructive to any | | | | Feeling good never takes away from a healthy |
| relationship. | | | | relationship it only adds more luster. |
| We should love ourselves and also have a lot of self | | | | Responsibility in a relationship flows to oneself and |
| respect to acknowledge the problem and fix it. A | | | | then to the other. Get this right and agreed upon. It |
| question such as "do I look fat is this dress?" is an | | | | is important to look at and ask the tough questions |
| argument that is waiting to happen. If you tell the | | | | and to be honest with you. That can only enhance a |
| truth then your spouse may get upset. It also begs | | | | relationship even more. It is my hope that in some |
| the question "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" | | | | way I have helped you to see things from a |
| By reason one would know the answer to this | | | | different perspective. Be true to yourself and the |
| question. Yet this question would be asked for the | | | | world will respond in kind. |
| spouses' own self esteem. It has nothing to do with | | | | |