| I often get emails from people who request my help | | | | for someone to unmake this decision once it's been |
| in getting their significant other to admit to cheating. | | | | made. It's more likely that, from this point on, they |
| Either the person writing me has good reasons to | | | | will continue right on with this fallacy until you make it |
| suspect that cheating is happening, a friend or | | | | so they can not continue to do this. |
| coworker has told them about the infidelity, or they | | | | So, what I would recommend is keeping careful track |
| think that they have some irrefutable proof as to the | | | | of everything they tell you. They say that they are |
| affair. | | | | working late tonight and you don't believe them? |
| Still, even with all of these things, the accused loved | | | | Well, don't just fall into the same pattern and argue |
| one will usually sit right there and continue to tell you | | | | back and forth until you walk away frustrated. Tell |
| that you are only imagining things. People often ask | | | | them "OK, that's fine. I'm busy too. I could really use |
| me how someone can be so convincing with this and | | | | the time to... (fill in your own blank.)" At this point, let |
| can look you right in the eye with a completely | | | | this one go. You really want to disarm them so that |
| straight face and recount (once again) the lies that | | | | they will think that you are losing interest and that |
| you both know are not true. | | | | you're no longer going to engage this way. |
| Often, you're unable to understand this because you | | | | Now, the next time that they tell you one of the |
| are unable to put yourself in the cheater's shoes. | | | | "truths" that you know are lies, resist the urge to |
| Often, you're not the type of person who would be | | | | engage once again. But this time, you are going to |
| deceptive in this way so you just can not empathize | | | | follow up. You are going to do whatever you need |
| with someone wanting to keep the whole farce | | | | to do to see where they are really going or how |
| going for as long as possible. And often, you just | | | | they are lying. You can have someone else follow |
| can't understand that the cheater has dug | | | | them so that you won't be caught. You can use GPS. |
| themselves into a very deep hole, so that, if they | | | | Or, you can even start by checking their cell phone |
| start telling the truth now, their whole house of cards | | | | to see if there were any incriminating texts at that |
| is about to come crashing down onto the floor. | | | | time. |
| Obviously, they don't want this. If they did, they | | | | Keep going on in this way. Check out their car, |
| would not have gone to such great pains to cover | | | | computer, phone, etc. so that you are making a list |
| this up and to keep this going. But, that doesn't mean | | | | of every single lie that you have proven wrong. If |
| that you just have to accept it. There are some | | | | you are lucky enough to find incriminating text, chats, |
| strategies that I'm going to outline below that will | | | | and emails, print them out. You want to be able to |
| hopefully help you with finally forcing them to tell the | | | | methodically compare the lies with the evidence that |
| truth for once. | | | | points to the truth. Do not take their word for |
| Document All Of Their Lies And Then Find A Way | | | | anything. Make sure that any repetitive calls are |
| To Prove Them Wrong: I have to tell you right up | | | | actually to who the log says. (Many cheaters will put |
| front that this is going to require for you to follow up | | | | something like "work" or "time and temperature" |
| time and time again. See, most people will just try to | | | | when really this is the other person's number.) Often, |
| argue or "wear down" their loved one. You know | | | | following this will eventually lead you right to the |
| how this conversations goes. Basically, it's just back | | | | truth. |
| and forth. You tell them that you think they didn't | | | | Make sure that you know the answer to any |
| really work late and they tell you that they did and | | | | question that you might need to ask. You really can |
| that they're getting oh so tired of all of these | | | | not depend on them. You don't want to take your |
| accusations. You then respond that you're getting so | | | | evidence and then say "OK, who is she?" You know |
| tired of this too so why won't they just tell the truth | | | | he will lie. You want to know who she is before you |
| for once? | | | | even present this. You can find this out by using |
| When this doesn't work, you will often start to | | | | reverse look up, public records or software. |
| negotiate. You might say things like "If you just tell | | | | When the time comes to confront them, be very |
| me the truth, we can work this out," or "please just | | | | cold and methodical. Hand them the log of the lies |
| have enough respect for me to stop lying." What | | | | and then the documentation of the evidence. Tell |
| you don't understand when you try to negotiate in | | | | them that you will no longer listen to lies and |
| this way, you're coming up against a scenario that | | | | untruths. Tell that they you found out for yourself |
| they have already rectified in their own mind and | | | | and will no accept their deceptions which you have |
| have already rehearsed. In short, you're too late. | | | | now shown them that you can prove are not true. |
| See, long ago, they might or might not have had | | | | At this point, just stop talking and look at them. It's |
| some moral dilemma. They may have been at a | | | | unlikely that they will continue to lie because they |
| cross roads as to whether or not they were going | | | | can't. At this point, you'll likely get an admission and |
| to go forward. However, you're pretty sure right | | | | some defensive comments or pleas for forgiveness |
| now that the decision was made to go forward and | | | | or they will just avoid the situation - at least for now |
| cheat. And, if you are right, once that line was | | | | - and act angry and injured because they know their |
| crossed, there was no going back. It's very unusual | | | | deception has finally come to an end. |