| Are you a person who does not have the social life | | | | things that make a good friend even greater over |
| you'd like? Do you find yourself sitting home most | | | | time. |
| nights when you'd rather be spending time with | | | | 9.) Take the attitude that you are embarking on a |
| friends? Are you well past school age and find the | | | | "research project" - the purpose of which is to |
| whole process of making new friends and social | | | | develop a delightful and fulfilling social life for yourself. |
| contacts a mystery? Have you moved to a new | | | | This means that you are going to be willing to |
| area and find yourself having to start all over making | | | | explore any activity or potential relationship that is |
| new friends and creating a social life? Yes, these are | | | | appealing or attractive. Your objective is to discover |
| challenging issues. Yes, they take some effort to | | | | those that you want to join or attend regularly. |
| overcome. It can seem to be an overwhelming | | | | Since it is a "research project", your object is to |
| project. Here's a plan to follow that will move you | | | | locate those activities and relationships that you most |
| into an interesting social life in the shortest time. | | | | want to keep in your life. You are looking for |
| 1.) Realize that this will take some consistent efforts | | | | experiences that stimulate you and fill you with joy. |
| on your part. It is highly unlikely that new friends will | | | | You feel uplifted afterward. Feel free to reject |
| come to your door looking for you. You will need to | | | | events and people where you don't get these results. |
| commit to getting out and putting yourself where | | | | Seriously consider continuing with any that do. It is |
| potential friends can get to know you. | | | | research and some things will not work out. It is not |
| 2.) Make yourself two lists. The first list is every | | | | the end of the world. It is just an event that did not |
| activity you've ever been interested in exploring. | | | | meet your expectations or end up being a "keeper". |
| Make as huge and exhaustive a list as you can think | | | | 10) Before you leave for a social event, decide that |
| of or remember. If this is challenging for you, go to | | | | everyone you meet is your friend before you even |
| coffee shops, community colleges, adult ed., | | | | start. This could be a challenge for some, but |
| community centers, and any other types of sources | | | | experiment with it. When you decide that everyone |
| you can think of where you might find flyers or | | | | in the world is your friend before you meet them, |
| information on available activities. The best activities | | | | you will be amazed to find that that becomes |
| are anything that you have ever thought or said, "I'd | | | | exactly what you find most of the time. What |
| love to do that some day." For our purposes, the | | | | happens is that you approach strangers with an open |
| longer you've had the desire the better. The second | | | | attitude. You are friendlier up front. You are |
| list is all the people you meet that you'd like to get | | | | interested in others (therefore more interesting to |
| to know better. | | | | others). You are easy to be around, because you |
| 3.) Don't feel disheartened if you have difficulty | | | | drop your defenses and are more welcoming to |
| feeling any enthusiasm for the choices on your list. | | | | others. |
| Those with restricted social lives may have a bit of | | | | 11.) It is OK for you to do more than one of the |
| depression to break through. Just realize that this is | | | | social activities on your list in a week, but make it a |
| normal and simply part of the process, not let it keep | | | | rule that you try at least one new item a week. |
| you from action, and keep moving on this goal. | | | | After you have been doing this for 2-3 months, you |
| 4.) Start to pay attention to any new people you | | | | will find that you're well on the way to a whole new |
| meet. If you meet someone you'd like to get to | | | | social life, you are making new friends. You are |
| know better, start a list of all the people you'd like to | | | | having fun again. You are looking forward to returning |
| explore friendship with. If you have no one on the | | | | to regular events and making more friends. |
| list, do not despair. Keep your eyes open with the | | | | 12.) Always be willing to take a look at your |
| purpose of creating this list. | | | | "program" and tweak it. Feel free to add new ideas |
| 5.) Now make the commitment to yourself that for | | | | or drop old ones. What you are doing is looking for |
| the next 6 months to a year, you will explore one of | | | | those activities and people that are the most |
| those social activities a week. Start with any activity | | | | gratifying and fulfilling. |
| that brings you excitement. If you have a solid list of | | | | 13.) Even when you have developed a full and |
| people to work with, call someone on your list and | | | | satisfying social schedule - be willing to revisit your |
| ask if they'd be interested in joining you on your | | | | choices. Note: some caveats:a. If you have a |
| expedition. | | | | negative attitude to life, this may be the reason that |
| 6.) OK, by now, you may be experiencing some panic | | | | you have a bad social life. People will avoid you like |
| or fear about going to new places, especially if you | | | | the plague on account of this. Put in some real effort |
| go alone. Here's something you can do to ease these | | | | to change this.b. If you think a monologue is |
| feelings. Tell yourself that you have to do this and do | | | | "conversation", this is probably the main reason you |
| not allow yourself to "chicken out". But, give yourself | | | | have a bad social life. Read the book, "How to Win |
| permission to leave whenever you want to. The rule | | | | Friends and Influence People" and start to make |
| is, that you have to go inside the door, and you need | | | | changes in your conversational style.c. If you have a |
| to at least check it out. Then you can go home. | | | | lot of physical, mental, financial issues, you're better |
| Hopefully this will help you get out and take some | | | | off leaving them at home when you go on social |
| risks - and gain the reward of new friendships. | | | | excursions. Most people socialize to get relief from |
| 7.) The most important "rule", however, is that once | | | | problems. They don't want to listen to yours.d. If |
| inside, you need to put your attention on the new | | | | others want to tell you their problems, you may |
| people you are meeting. Show interested curiosity in | | | | want to gently remind them that this is a social |
| them. Listen. By showing interest in others, you will | | | | occasion and you'd prefer lighter conversation. This |
| soon find that your "shyness" has lessened or | | | | may not work, but it may - depending on the person |
| disappeared. People will find you a marvelous | | | | involved. You always have the option of gently |
| conversationalist when you listen to them - and your | | | | moving on to talk to more interesting potential new |
| social anxiety will disappear. | | | | friends. |
| 8.) One of the most important parts of this effort is | | | | There is absolutely no reason to sit home alone |
| to locate new friends for "keepers". Pay attention to | | | | without friends. It is necessary though that you take |
| things like mutuality, listening ability, interest in others, | | | | control of your social life in exactly the way you take |
| pleasure in their company, positive approach to life, | | | | control of the rest of your life. It is a minor |
| supportive attitudes, openness to trying new things, | | | | investment for a major reward! |
| integrity, honesty, and good values. These are the | | | | |