| If you have a daughter, take the time to read this. It | | | | specifics of how she is being bullied. Have them tell |
| could save her a lot of heartache. Not to mention | | | | other teachers (i.e., gym, art, music), recess aides, |
| stomach aches, headaches, missed days of school, | | | | hallway monitors and cafeteria staff so that |
| lower grades, eating issues and depression. | | | | everyone who comes in contact with her can be on |
| The sad truth is that every school, whether public, | | | | the lookout and poised to intervene. |
| private or parochial, has girls who bully. I bet you can | | | | * Explain to her that reporting an incident is not the |
| still remember who they were when you were in | | | | same as tattling, and have her tell an adult at school |
| school. As a School Counselor and mother of three | | | | when she is being bullied. |
| daughters, | | | | * Encourage her to stick with a friend at recess, |
| I know firsthand - both personally and professionally - | | | | lunch, in the hallways, on the bus or walking home |
| how much it hurts when girls are targeted by bullies. | | | | because she is more likely to be targeted when she |
| The old adage "sticks and stones may break my | | | | is alone. |
| bones, but words will never hurt me," couldn't be | | | | * Teach her to convey self-confidence by walking |
| further from the truth. While boys usually bully | | | | confidently, with her head up. Girls bullying at school |
| through intimidation, girls bully through exclusion, also | | | | target those they think are weaker. |
| called relational aggression. Here's an example of | | | | * Pay attention to how she is sleeping, eating, feeling |
| relational bullying taken from my professional | | | | and doing in school. If you notice changes in any of |
| experience: | | | | these areas, have her see the School Counselor. |
| "Heather" was miserable because "Leslie" was not | | | | * Arrange opportunities for your daughter to socialize |
| only saying mean things to her face, but getting the | | | | with her friends outside of school to help her maintain |
| other girls in the class to exclude her with the age old | | | | a strong social support system. |
| line "You can't be friends with me, if you're friends | | | | In Heather's case, these steps alleviated the problem. |
| with her." In our sessions, Heather would complain | | | | But because it's tougher to catch girl bullies, it's |
| that she didn't have anyone to play with because the | | | | extremely important for girls to tell an adult if they're |
| girls were afraid that if they hung around her they'd | | | | being bullied. Unlike boys, who usually bully physically, |
| become Leslie's next target. Leslie had immense | | | | girl bullies often spread rumors, whisper as their |
| influence over the social dynamic among these girls. | | | | target walks by, talk loudly about a party she wasn't |
| In order to improve the situation, I had to not only | | | | invited to, give her the silent treatment, and as |
| reduce the power Leslie had, but empower Heather | | | | discussed above, tell others not to be friends with |
| as well. Here are some ideas that helped, adapted for | | | | her. School personnel are there to help, but in order |
| use by parents: | | | | for them to be able to do anything about girls bullying |
| * Ask for specifics when your daughter says girls are | | | | at school, they must be informed when a bullying |
| bullying her at school. Who? Where? How? | | | | situation arises. |
| * Tell the principal and classroom teacher the | | | | |