Ambivalence - The Supernova of Psychic Evolution

We humans are uniquely fortunate that ambivalenceside of the argument to be absolutely true, the other
pervades everything we experience, think, feel andside must be erased by all means possible-usually in
intuit, or we wouldn't have gotten as far as we have.the name of God as a holy cause! Human history is
Though you wouldn't know it from the way we feeloverwhelmingly dominated by such primitive violent
about ambivalence. We hate and mistrust it. Forbehavior.
centuries we've been trying to do away with it byUnfortunately our experience, particularly of emotional
denying, and as much as possible, obliterating itsconflict and contradiction has never been successfully
presence from our consciousness. We've workedcut down to size in ways that remove it from the
very hard to achieve an alternative, that forcategory of trauma to become simply problem
thousands of years we've considered to be nothingsolving. We almost always experience conflict,
less than heavenly: i.e. single-mindedness withoutwhether internal or interpersonal, as traumatic-beyond
complication or contradiction.coping, something that can't be tolerated, which must
In science we readily acknowledge that nature is fullbe stopped or run away from. We regard those who
of complexity and ambiguity. Ambivalence is ain any way contribute to conflict, even when they're
personal acknowledgment of the emotionalnon-violent, as villains deserving of censure,
experience of ambiguity. Viewed psychologically it ispunishment or even retaliation.
nothing more or less than a clever inventive psyche,This is why we invented good and evil, good guys
capable of simultaneously holding several options inand bad guys, in order to vastly oversimplify this
mind, recognizing that all possibilities probably takeseemingly intolerable experience. To avoid the
place, and precedence, at one time or another, andresponsibility of conflict and its contradictions,
can therefore be learned from. This attitude could bethousands of years ago we even handed over most
described as the scientific approach to experience,of the power of our own lives to anyone whom we
which recognizes infinite possibility as constantlycould believe was a god; meaning someone capable
operative.of being in touch with the gods that ran the universe
Science generally excludes emotional experience fromand made disaster, or good times, happen; so on our
its territory. Psychology has discovered this to bebehalf they could plead for mercy and special
impossible; so lets first notice, and then exploretreatment. Many people still believe and function in
what's happening when ambiguity crosses our path-asthese ways.
it does every day of our lives.Ambiguity exists in everything human-seen because
At any given moment in time, a disturbinglywe are an animal capable of perceiving things in
ambiguous conflict of desire, or opinion, or both,contradictory and multiple dimensions. Though some
occurs spontaneously in order to find an as yetof the other apes have some degree of
unseen third alternative; which more effectivelyself-consciousness, only we can simultaneously hold in
resolves particularly contradictory circumstances. Thisthe mind's eye several layers of possibility. The
is best accomplished by allowing polarized options tosimplest way of expressing it is that we can
slug it out subconsciously and unconsciously-more insimultaneously do things, watch ourself do them,
dreams than in thinking about it-a very differentcomment upon what we're doing, even criticize it,
strategy than the forced premature decision weand at the same time imagine doing it in other ways.
usually expect of ourselves. This spontaneousThat complexity of perception is the principle trait
discovery of additional options will always take placethat makes us what and who we are; and
in an open mind given enough time, and in theambivalence is the key skill necessary for the
absence of prejudice.creative management of this remarkable gift of
Ambivalence is the emotional awareness of the mostmultilayered comprehension.
dominant characteristic of reality, that whatever isWithin the scientific realm dealing with tangible
happening can always reverse itself and go in theobjects, we have become very accustomed and
opposite direction. We call it change that isskilled at managing and using contradictory possibilities
perpetually taking place, like a transformation ofand options. In fact that's how science has
matter into energy, or the reverse happening, energyprogressed. It's become the art of putting things
into matter. A more familiar ordinary example istogether that previously weren't supposed to be
standing on unstable ground, literally or metaphorically;married, and taking apart things that were supposed
if we move we may trigger a landslide; yet if weto remain together.
don't move it means perpetually to live in impossiblyBut when it comes to dealing with ambiguity in the
unreliable circumstances.intangibles of human life, most accurately described
Ambiguity, the noun that describes our awareness ofas the realm of the human spirit-of which the psyche
opposite conflicting possibilities, is best illustrated byis the principle agency-we suddenly lose it! We
Einstein's equation, E«MC2, which moves instumble into ambiguity-illiteracy. We try and make
both directions; either to release enormous energyreality caveman-simple, of which good and evil is the
by tearing apart the forces that bind particles tobest example; in making the most important decisions
each other, the atom bomb; or to capture potentialof life we have only 2 options instead of a thousand
energy by attracting particles full of energy, such asor more.
potassium and chloride precipitating to form salt.Lets face it. Ambiguity, particularly the emotional
The word, ambivalence, is most commonly used tovariety, still scares the hell out of us. But truth is, the
describe the human experience with which we haveproblem is ours, not everybody else's, or God's. We
the most trouble: i.e. the emotional dilemma of feelingseem to connect simple-mindedness to being safe,
2 or more ways about the same event, possibility orwhich, as has been seen, it isn't. This misperception
person. It's an experience we perceive almostcould mean the problem has a lot to do with the
entirely as dysfunctional, something to be avoided atways we love, where we confuse a lot of things in
all cost. Indeed emotional ambivalence is generallyour mad dash for the human essentials: i.e. support,
regarded as pathological-"indecisive, can't make upencouragement and comfort. Perhaps we need to
their mind".rethink how we do, and understand love. At the very
When the possibility of feeling contradictory emotionsleast we need to find alternative ways of thinking
about the same idea, event or person, is the mostabout the human spirit, its emotional experience, and
fundamental skill required for handling conflict of boththe personal management of conflict.
varieties: internal and interpersonal. Indeed it's theIn my efforts to do all of this I sometimes regard
essential skill that will eventually vault us into thethe active spiritual part of us, the human psyche,
wisdom of a peaceful world community; withoutwith all of its remarkable parts, as the only thing we'll
which we will continue to wander cynically on theever experience in this life that's holy-not what we
premise that it can never be accomplished.do with it, but what it's capable of-something I
Violence is one of the principle outcomes of oursuspect that we've hardly begun to comprehend.
misguided belief in single-mindedness. In order for one